I once wrote a comedy bit about Bang Energy. About how energy drinks got me out of bed in the morning when I was working at my old job in hospital IT. I loved the flavor names and the general assortment of flavors made my tongue quiver with anticipation…. I thought it was great material but not everyone did though. Hell is a place where your extracurricular activities are scrutinized by chipmunk-cheeked balloon-shaped totem-pole climbing dweeb with an inferiority complex.
I’ve never been a fan of Redbull or Monster. I just haven’t found anything compelling about their drinks. They are high in sugar, taste radioactive, and are generally not my cup of tea. Monster also likes to eat it’s competition, acquiring Bang against its founder and CEOs will.
I think my taste buds reflect my general preferences as well. I’m a risk taker. I go to gas stations at the edge of town, and try the new energy drinks, the off-label ones that might be made out of battery acid. If you want true euphoria, eat lime off-label chicken ramen. Getting back on track, I love the jolt and excitement of having no idea how this drink would affect my body. I imagine myself as a Vice reporter, but instead of getting flown to North Korea to write a book report, I pay to figuratively destroy bathrooms at the local gas station.
Anyways, my new energy drink brand of choice is Ghost. To that end, I wanted to share which ghost flavors are good, and which ones should climb the stairway to heaven.
Sour Pink Lemonade – B. I think this is lacking because of 3 general factors. First, it’s not particularly distinguishable. It’s not something that has anything going for it. Other energy drinks have flavors like lemonade, and can similarly be caffeinated. Second, I don’t think they nail the lemonade part of it. I understand in an attempt to cut calories it makes sense to use artificial sweeteners, hell, I love it. But, I think this attempt failed because it didn’t closely replicate the flavor profile you’re expecting. Finally, I think it failed to create a positive experience. Lemonade is something that one associates with childhood, sentimentality, and joy. Lemonade is often iced, and very bitter. By contrast, energy drinks create INTENSITY. You don’t ice energy drinks. You get every mg of caffeine you can. You down it, and crush a PR. Overall, the impression I’m getting is this flavor feels like maybe a little bit of a marketing mismatch.
Orange Cream – S-. I think it does a good job of replicating the flavor profile of a creamsicle, while adding an energy edge to it. I think the flavor is good, when it’s served cold, it works, and it has the added benefit of feeling a little dessert-y in a way that I think energy drinks should lean into.
Citrus – B+. It is an entirely non-distinctive flavor. While I imagine this does contain citric acid, it’s unclear what it’s specifically going for. When I drank this, I had to take a bunch of breaks throughout because it was rather bitter. Overall, not bad, but not something I’d go out of my way to consume again
Faze 1 / Faze 2– ? No idea how these taste. I haven’t seen them at supermarkets, and assume these are a marketing promotion.
Cherry Limeade – A. I think this flavor is a cut above citrus, as the cherry balances the limeade out, and has allusions to a fun little boy treat, but isn’t too much. I imagine this would go really well with Vodka as part of a jungle juice of sorts. This is a relatively uncommon flavor, and is pretty good. I wouldn’t be disappointed if my brosef came back with a case of these on the way back from a grocery run, but it probably wouldn’t be the ones I would pick out.
RedBerry – A+. It has all the basic components you’re looking for in a soda/pop/coke/whatever everyone else calls it. It is carbonated well, has a distinctive tartness that adds some fun, and is completely artificial. It’s good that it’s combined with the sourpatch, and adds a fun bit of sentimentality that I find overall good. This is a fun drink to get at the movie theater, despite maybe the heart palpation that come with energy drink usage, and a flavor that there’s little to get in the way of a continued sip.
Blue Raspberry – A+. This is a good blue raspberry, true to sour patch glory. I dream of the day when this can be made into an icee directly, and is cheaper than at the movie theater. This is a damn good flavor, and has a bit more sourness than RedBerry, which really allows the sweetness to percolate just a little bit better. Overall, I think I liked the blue raspberry just a little bit better than RedBerry, but I don’t think one is objectively better than the other. I would recommend buying this before going skateboarding or rollerblading. It has that 90’s energy.
Tropical Mango– A. Mango drinks are a classic. The flavor profile is well-established, it is a smooth sip, and overall a good product. I don’t think this one has anything super interesting going for it, and while I liked drinking it, I haven’t felt like I needed another one of them.
Sour Watermelon– B. I just didn’t like this flavor profile very much. When I used to eat warheads as a kid, I appreciated cracking open the warhead with my teeth and feasting on the inner powder, rather than those who patiently waited for the outer lining to dissolve in their mouth. I don’t know how you’d succeed at replicating the two distinct flavors of watermelon at the same time, and didn’t think that Ghost succeeded in making something remarkable. Sure this was sour, but it wasn’t something that I craved. I finished the can out of a sense of obligation rather than bliss (I’m not letting 3 dollars go to waste).
Sour Apple – B+. Compared to Sour Watermelon, I think this had a slightly better taste to it. Apple themed soft drinks in general are good, but this one had the unfortunate challenge of balancing sour with sweet for apples, and I don’t think the flavor was interesting enough to get above a B+. Overall, I’d scrap the watermelon, and tentatively keep the sour apple for the time being, and maybe try a different type of watermelon flavor.
Swedish Fish – S. This was easily the best flavor of the bunch. I think the way they created an experience was a big part of it. I think the packaging made it feel like opening the plastic bag of them, and they completely nailed the flavor. My biggest gripe with Swedish fish in general is that they get gummy and stuck in your teeth. This drink bypassed the problem and created a flavor I’ve craved. I went to 3 Walmarts looking for this flavor before finding it at a Woodmans. This is a cut above the rest of them. One minor quibble is that this flavor cannot be drank on a daily basis, so make sure to switch this one out.
Are there any flavors that you disagree about? I’m curious to know what others thought of my subjective tastes.
Not currently sponsored by Ghost, or anyone. If you want to order them, they can be found here: https://drinkghost.com/products/ghost%C2%AE-energy-x-warheads%C2%AE-sour-watermelon
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