How Can I Help?

You get what you give. This idea seems to constantly pop up in self-improvement and sales contexts, in large part, because its right. Approaching things with an attitude of “what can I take?”, “what do I get out of this?” creates an environment where people are guarded. If I know that you ultimately aren’t concerned about me, why would I trust you?

When I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, a lot of it talked about interpersonal relationships. If you think win-win, you tend to do better because you are a person people like, and people know you’re good for it.

The tragic irony in this is while people are highly reactive to being given opportunity and rather reciprocal, people are not proactive in trying to create relationships. This is in large part why its so effective following advice like try to understand before trying to be understood. Why it’s important that success is a trailing indicator.

That’s why starting a conversation with the idea ‘how can I help?’ is so powerful, you meet people’s needs, demonstrate that you can help, and seek to understand what the person on the other end wants from you.

This idea also pops up in sales. Would you prefer to buy someone who wants something from you, or is solving a problem you have? My mom for instance, creates a lot of excellent free content in the area she works in. Doing this has bought her a lot of goodwill and expertise. Knowing my mom, it’s clear that she’s not doing this in a Machiavellian way, she loves helping people, and would do this even if she didn’t benefit a dime.

Coming into your next conversation with someone, try to understand where they are coming from, and how you can help them achieve their next goal, you may inadvertently end up achieving your own.