Tactical Empathy

If you don’t know where those oppose you are coming from, you do yourself a disservice. This is why it’s infuriating to see people talk past each other, it doesn’t work.

In Getting To Yes, one central idea is to try and understand the dimensions of which a negotiation is taking place. It may be that something you view as symbolic is a key issue to other bargaining parties. Understanding what they want, how to package an offer, and what they believe about you is key to building consensus.

Many times, negotiations are about many more dimensions than originally thought about, and conflict may only be in a few. The naturally divisive topics may be able to be sidestepped in scenarios where there’s greater benefits to cooperation in general.

Negotiations, like trade, are positive sum games, because the alternative, war and conflict, are almost always negative sum. When there’s a workable solution, people can devote their energy to things they find more important. If providing nominal concession makes a huge difference to their bargaining partner, allowing it builds your leverage.

Principles play into leverage. When you base what you want off of subjective value assessments and not generally agreed upon norms, you risk shifting attitudes undermining progress. While it’s true there’s always tailwinds, the steps you take to build relationships pay off because they act as a buffer and build trust.

Tactical empathy doesn’t require agreement. All it asks is that you understand where others are coming from, which can be half the battle sometimes.