Embracing Anxiety

I have reasonably bad anxiety. I will be existing in my car, writing, reading, and suddenly nothing is ok. I’m worried that I won’t make anything of my career, that I’ll be mediocre, I’ll die, and I’ll die alone.

Sometimes I hate that I can’t just relax. My default setting is a teensy bit paranoid, and when I meet people my age who are just able to chill, relish their normalness, I sometimes feel awful. Is something wrong with me?

Yet, I also know my success in no small part is because of the fear of failure and the will to power that comes with it.

The will to succeed, requires a bit of dissatisfaction. I know that I’ll keep pushing myself because that’s the only way. The trick is to find outlets to keep seeing my meteoric rise. When I put things in perspective, I feel a little bit better.

Here’s why I think my anxiety is a secret superpower. Neuroticism makes it easier to interrogate the world around you, to think differently, to yearn. I’ve done a lot of interesting things in my short 24 years, and I’ll keep being curious and push forward.