Bringing it Back To College

I really like Panic at the Disco. Something about anxiety at dancing events really grabs and holds my interest.

To that end, I think a lot about the sort of person I am, and who I’ve become. I really pride myself on the ability to think rationally and divorce my feelings from my goals.

This creates a weird space where although I’m sure the integration would be glorious, I don’t meddle with it.

When I was in college, I let my Id rule. I let my true thoughts flow too freely, I embraced my anger and I was a crusader for the causes I wanted. Now, looking back, the amount of power I have is in large part from holding my tongue and pushing forward.

There’s something I admire about silence and subtlety, and I’m still working on being less reactive, but I notice that when I’ve moved in this direction, I’m less anxious but less emotional altogether, positive and negatively.

When I let out my reactive emotional side, my intensity is high, but it’s also scary and risky, and I’m not always sure I’m happy who I see.