We all know passive-aggressive emails are mistakes. After all, you tend to work with people on a repeated basis and poisoning the well in general is a bad idea. but, sometimes it can be all too thrilling. Intoxicated by your frustration, you dig deep into the well of hatred that is your Tuesday afternoon blues, and click send on something filled with so much bile that it might end up in a medieval sanitarium.
But, sometimes it happens. Sometimes you can’t ebb that sweet release. Now, in meetings, you look over your shoulder and wilt when you see the subject of your ire. Did you go too far? Did they even understand? Do you laugh it off as a joke, or let it flower into something more sinister?
I’ve been known to take the low-road, double-down on something taking a moment of contrition should help. But, my contrition is buried deep in my warrior genes. My edginess prevents me from turning the other cheek. It’s been sent. Here’s how I damage control.
First, I try to address the elephant in the room directly. “I said ____, and it was unkind, I’m sorry. ” Then, I try to understand where they are coming from, and mention that “I want to move forward, what do I need to do?” This frames the discussion in a way that allows for the subject of the unkind words to de-escalate. To some degree, you’ve fallen on your sword, and created the conditions to move onward. If they’re to continue an icy war, they are less likely to attract allies, given that you’ve already apologized.
If this doesn’t work, avoid the person wherever possible. An enemy you have made.
Isadore Johnson's Website 