What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?
I come off as very affable. I make strong eye contact, am more than willing to shake your hand, and get distracted talking about god-knows-what with anyone.
But, consistently throughout my life, I had struggled with getting to know new people and trusting them. I could blame it all on my best friend’s suicide, but I had several traumatic experiences that left me cynical and scared of being tender with other people. Especially after COVID, I didn’t have any social skills, and when I tried to interact, I know I came off as a creep.
To build a great social circle, I had to accept being lonely and eating shit. I had to be lonely as I decided about the sort of person I wanted to be, and whether the friends in my life at the time would be conducive to me becoming that. With that came the need to eat shit socially, because no one comes out of the womb perfect at socializing.
There were many days when I struggled to make eye contact with bosses, acquaintances, neighbors. I noticed that I automatically went to my computer when I was scared, and used it as a coping mechanism. So, I promptly shut it down and began forcing myself outdoors more.
As a result, I was out a lot, and socializing constantly. I’d talk to someone sitting down on a park bench, hang out in a library studying, applying for new jobs, etc.
Over time, things felt less fraught and I began to trust myself socially. I haven’t drank in more than two years, and having the trust that I can still be a holler without having to touch booze or drugs is a source of important satisfaction and pride for myself.
Isadore Johnson's Website 