I’ve often been asked why this book is aimed at young men. “There are also loads of lonely women out there, wouldn’t you be able to reach more people by broadening the message?”
Questions posed like this are often by people who’ve never thought about making friends in their life. One thing you’ll learn very quickly is that you can’t win everyone over, nor should you try to. The things that work for me, work because they are compatible with my very essence, compatible with the stage of life I’m in.
This book is explicitly written for young men, like myself, often wired very differently than average, who grew up in the internet age and want to make a change. I’ve worked with many men with a variety of things that make it hard for them to socialize, whether it’s autism, ADHD, Tourette’s, PTSD, or depression.
For better or worse, there’s not much empathy for guys struggling with their social skills. There’s even less resources available to them. I want to break that trend and provide the sort of education, coaching, and community support that hasn’t existed in the 21st century.
I imagine you feel broken, like there’s something wrong or off about you which prevents you from connecting with other people. That your body or your mind is a toxin that makes you poisonous to those around you.
Did you grow up on the internet because you were picked on for being different? Did you never feel “in” on anything, and were only permitted to gaze longingly from the other side? Do you often worry that it’s too late for you, and your life is wasting away?
Maybe you have a group of people who you play video games with, but you haven’t met any of them. Maybe you’ve done to college and spent most of the four years in your room, dreading social interaction. Maybe college has passed you by and the opportunities for social interactions seem to be slipping through your fingers.
Have you or your childhood friends moved away, and you’ve realized how shockingly few friends you have? Have you felt frustrated that your efforts to talk to new people just result in rejection and pain?
Do you fear that it’s running out of time to get better? Is the reason you’ve delayed the talking to people to hide yourself from the fear that you don’t know the first thing about friendship?
If any of these scenarios describe how you feel, I want you to know that I see, understand, and empathize with you. More than that, I want to help you realize how to break out of this prison that is social isolation. I want to give you a framework and space to catch up on social skills and become charismatic. But, to do that we need to set some ground rules.
First, you need to be responsible for your current situation. Blaming others for our social isolation can be addictive, delicious. Maybe the adults in your life failed you. Maybe it was your siblings, teachers, the internet, or politics that brought you to the hole that you’re in. Regardless, you need to take responsibility, because ultimately you’re the one who has to live your life.
Second, take my advice before judging it. Whatever you’ve been doing up until now hasn’t been working. If it was, I doubt you’d have this book in your possession. I’m not asking for devotion, but I want you to try what I recommend before judging it.
Finally, you need to record your progress. I’m not intending to read this, but you will. A lot of what we’re going to do will involve trial-and-error to figure out your friendship style and how you’ll shine. To get there, you’ll kiss a lot of frogs, and the only way you’ll know for sure how to avoid mistakes going forward is to reflect upon past action.
I’m looking forward to getting started with you!
Isadore Johnson's Website 