Social Skills Self-Assessment

“[Only] what gets measured, gets managed” – Peter Drucker

One key tool that will help you in your friendship journey is self-assessment. The aim of this chapter is to provide a comprehensive self-assessment that identifies key areas of improvement.

This exam stays between us, so please assess yourself honestly. It’s better to do so because it’ll more accurately help you identify areas to improve your relationships, speeding up your growth. You might be anxious, feeling that you’re identifying your weaknesses and that it makes you a failure.

I’m here to tell you that the opposite is true. Identifying areas where you can grow is actually a win in disguise. It’s not necessarily your fault why you lack these skills, but you’re the one who has to live with(out) them.

Rejoice! When you identify these areas, this should make you hopeful because these are skills that can be learned. Would you prefer to tell yourself that your skills are world-class, that you do not know how to improve, and that you are still dissatisfied with your relationships? Instead, wouldn’t you prefer to know where you can improve, recognizing that you’ll become a social butterfly eventually.

They are called social skills, after all, because, like other skills, they can take practice. Once we identify what specifically to practice, we can grind our way to success.

Instructions:

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 for each statement:

• 1 = Strongly Disagree
• 2 = Disagree
• 3 = Neutral
• 4 = Agree
• 5 = Strongly Agree

Leaving Your House

1. I feel confident identifying public places where I can practice small talk.
2. I know how to approach people in a way that feels natural and non-intrusive.
3. I understand how close or far to stand from someone during a conversation.
4. I can initiate a conversation with a stranger or acquaintance without feeling overly nervous.
5. I am comfortable using tools or prompts to start conversations.

Plenty of Fish in the Sea

6. I can handle rejection without taking it personally.
7. I am able to gracefully end conversations that aren’t going well.
8. I see rejection as a learning opportunity rather than a failure.
9. I can remain optimistic and motivated after an unsuccessful social interaction.
10. I can recognize when someone is not interested and respond appropriately.

The First Impression

11. I am aware of the importance of personal grooming and presentation in social settings.
12. I actively listen during conversations and show genuine interest in others.
13. I know how to establish trust early in a conversation.
14. I can ask open-ended questions that keep conversations engaging.
15. I feel confident leaving a positive and memorable impression on new people.

Relationship Building

16. I feel comfortable inviting someone to hang out or make plans.
17. I know how to connect emotionally with people I find interesting.
18. I use verbal and nonverbal cues to make others feel noticed and understood.
19. I can sustain meaningful conversations that deepen relationships.
20. I am comfortable sharing personal stories to build connections.

Doing Incredible Shit

21. I regularly engage in activities that challenge me to grow as a person.
22. I have hobbies or interests that I’m passionate about and enjoy sharing with others.
23. I’m open to trying new things, even if they push me out of my comfort zone.
24. I feel confident discussing my passions and achievements with others.
25. I actively pursue self-improvement and personal growth.

Finding a Community That Works for You

26. I know how to identify activities or events that align with my interests.
27. I can approach and join a group or community without feeling intimidated.
28. I can find people with shared values and interests.
29. I am comfortable contributing to group dynamics in a positive way.
30. I feel a sense of belonging when I join a community.

Conflict Management

31. I can recognize when a disagreement is escalating and take steps to de-escalate it.
32. I know how to express my perspective without being confrontational.
33. I use active listening to understand the other person’s point of view during a conflict.
34. I am skilled at finding mutually beneficial solutions to disagreements.
35. I can apologize sincerely and accept responsibility for my actions.

Keeping in Touch

36. I regularly reach out to friends and maintain contact.
37. I know how to use technology (calls, texts, social media) to stay connected with distant friends.
38. I prioritize quality time with friends, even when life gets busy.
39. I remember and celebrate important events in my friends’ lives.
40. I feel confident sustaining long-distance friendships over time.

Scoring:

• Add up your scores for each grouping to identify areas where you excel and where you can improve.
• Chapters with lower scores indicate areas to focus on as you read the book.

Much like running a 5K, you’re ultimately trying to beat your score, not anyone else’s. I encourage you to take this test every so often because as you get and identify feedback, you’ll better be able to hone your skills and improve your relationships. Your win is the irreplaceable friendships you make and the satisfaction of knowing that you won’t have to stay stuck.