Small Talk Tips Continued

OK, So How Can I Start Using Small Talk?

Small talk topics are generally about things that are of little consequence. Use topics like the weather, current events, hobbies, the location, recent news, work-related interests, light family, travel, food, or things about the venue.

Generally, the goal of small talk is to gauge how comfortable the other person is and give them the space to open. Broadly speaking, you should ask open-ended questions, related to the things that the person decides to talk about. This demonstrates that you’re paying attention while also giving them space to talk about one of their favorite topics.

Here are a few examples you can use to start the conversation:

“What are you looking forward to this weekend?”

“It’s been cold this past week, hasn’t it?”

“I’m trying to find a good restaurant in town. What would you recommend?”

“What’s your favorite thing about your job”

“I like your tie, where’d you get it?”

“What do you enjoy doing with your spare time? What’s your favorite hobby?”

Once you start a conversation, the most important thing is to be engaged and interested about what the other person has to say, while also being aware of boundaries and dangerous topics.

Active Listening Tips

Sometimes, when you’re listening, you don’t always ‘show’ or ‘act’ interested, even if you are. You can show that you’re interested through making medium eye contact, facing the person, keeping your phone away, nodding, ‘mhmming’ ‘uh-huh’ or ‘I see’, and smiling when they make a point.

As you get better at demonstrating that you’re paying attention, it can also help to match the energy by matching their body language and summarizing the last few words of what they say. This creates a dynamic where the person feels understood. Broadly speaking, looking for ways to show interest in a conversation, agreeing, or adding onto their broad perspective can make it easy to win friends.

Finally, and most importantly, try to focus on listening rather than formulating a response to what they’re going to say. You might feel that this is going to make you appear slow, but I promise this consideration will mean the world to people. Everyone wants to feel understood, and there’s no better way of understanding than intensely listening.

How To Come Off As Inviting

Look excited to see other people. People absorb others’ emotions, and letting people know that you’re eager to see them makes a huge difference. This can be conveyed by smiling, facing them, and coming up to see them.

Your Hygiene Matters: Neglect This At Your Own Peril

No good ever comes from neglecting to take care of yourself. Broadly speaking, you should always do the following things.

General Hygiene:

Shower daily, wash your hands after using the restroom, wear clean well-fitting clothes, cover skin wounds, keep nails short and clean, and wear deodorant.

Facial Hygiene:

Brush your teeth at least twice a day for 2 minutes, use mouthwash regularly, floss after meals, shave regularly (2X a week if possible), wash face daily.

Other Essential Hygiene:

Regularly change your bed-sheets, clean your junk and armpits in the shower, wash hair at least twice a week, comb your hair.

Beyond the Basics:

Get your hair cut at least once every 3 months, Use hair gel to keep your hair looking spiffy, find a cologne you like, add accessories like watches, rings, bandanas, ties, or headbands to your attire, wear nice shoes, wash behind your ears.

Physical Wellness:

Try to walk close to 10,000 steps daily, work out intensely at least twice a week for cardio and weights, sleep 7+ hours nightly, drink close to a gallon of water a day, turn phone off an hour before bedtime, avoid sugar when possible (this will help with overeating), take a multivitamin.

Mental & Emotional Wellness:

Meditate for 10 minutes daily, read at least 1 book a week, track your wins, take time to be by yourself, journal occasionally.

Topics to avoid

Anything, especially political, religious, or controversial, is not a great thing to discuss, especially when you don’t know someone. This is because most people don’t have the same beliefs to you, and aren’t interested in engaging with their cherished moral beliefs. Look instead to topics that allow you to easily agree, or speak to your personality.