The Logistics Of Small Talk

Who should I talk to?

Broadly speaking, if you’re going to a hobby, a sport, or a class that meets regularly, you should be able to approach anyone you’ve seen more than once or twice, and you’ll likely be well-received. So, if you’re in an area you regularly frequent, the people you often see are likely to be open to a conversation.

If you’re going to some place for the first time, say somewhere like a grocery store, DMV, coffee shop, or gas station, start by talking to the cashier or people who are in front of you in line. When you’re at a networking event (which I would recommend trying), it can often be easier to approach people by themselves, because they WANT people to approach them.

Another option you can try is Bumble BFF or Meetups. This tool can allow you to talk to people who share your interests, who may also be a little on the shy side.

What if I feel nervous?

Start off by reminding yourself of how great a guy you are, all the things that’ll make you a wonderful friend. Worst case scenario, and you’re still at square one. More likely, you’ll walk away from this exchange feeling powerful.

A lot of people are scared, but also excited, when it comes to meeting new people. You’re one of the few people brave enough to go out and try. It can be helpful to role-play a conversation with a trusted relative, a therapist, or a chat-bot online.

Another tool to prevent getting too nervous is the three second rule. Within the first three seconds of seeing someone, approach them and say hi. Before you get a chance to anticipate or be nervous, you’ll be in a conversation.

Finally, working your way up to more challenging social situations can be helpful. It might be easier for you to order a coffee than to hold a conversation. See if you can gradually start longer and more complicated conversations.

Distance:

Generally, you want to stand around 3 feet from someone when talking to them. If you’re engaged in an activity, it’s ok to look in the same direction, and be about 2 and a half feet away.