Relationship Building

You’ve started to make it into a group and found a hobby worth engaging in. This is great, and you’re definitely on the way to making close friendships. You’ve built a little rapport with several people in the group, and you want to learn how to invite them to hang out sometime. Underneath are several tools you can use to move from acquaintance to friend.

Linger:

Broadly speaking, you want to be approachable, and a lot of time spent getting to know people happens in the odd moments before and after a meeting. When you stick around and chit-chat, you let people know you’d like to get to know them. This may not immediately lend itself to hanging out, but after a few times, ask those staying behind if they’d like to grab pizza or drinks.

Remember details:

When you see someone regularly, you’ll start to learn more about them, like their friends, families, and hobbies. Asking about these things in an open-ended way demonstrates that you’re interested in their life, which is very validating. One tip I like to use is “think about something someone volunteers to you, and ask a question that shows you thought about it for more than 20 seconds“.

Be reliable:

Sometimes people who are quite charismatic are hard to befriend since they’re flaky. You do not want to be this person because you frustrate people by not respecting their time. Instead, keep your word and remember dates. If this means penciling in everyone’s birthday on Google calendars, do it!

Become amazing at following up:

Being proactive with plans makes you a natural invitee into someone’s life. When you’re looking to make plans, find something interesting, and put in a chat that you’re interested in going. If you can, reach out to the people you want to come individually a couple times before the event. This makes people feel seen, creating a warm fuzzy feeling when they see you.

Start doing small favors for people:

Generally, people want others who add to their lives in various ways. Few people want to put in the effort. An easy way to differentiate yourself is to start going out of your way for people. Whether that’s bringing baked goods to events once in a while, picking others up, or offering your friends their favorite flavor of Zyns, you’ll be sure to be appreciated for doing so.

Fake it till you make it:

As you get into more social circles, you’ll notice the more popular people in those circles exhibiting certain behaviors that work for them. Imitate some of their behaviors and you might see similar results. Behaviors can vary by group of friends, but paying attention to who people enjoy in a group can help you. There’s no harm in trying on different identities as you develop your social skills, until you find one that resonates.