Starting Small Talk

“You may feel like home is the anchor in your storm, but leaving may well save you from drowning.” – Jay Dhanan

On the internet, there’s a whole lot of spectacle. Many influencers promote a quick scheme to suddenly have all you’ve ever wanted. Whether it’s mewing, the perfect supplement, or a get-rich-quick course, there’s an element of fantasy to these value propositions.

You may think reading books to touch up on your social skills makes you weird, that it’s risky to do so. The opposite is true. There’s nothing weirder than someone who refuses to do what’s good for them. There’s nothing worse for your social life than doing nothing at all.

At the same time, maybe you don’t know where to get started, and having some ideas can help you figure out some logistics of when and where to practice small-talk.

But what is small talk anyway, and why is it important?

Small-talk is a polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially when engaged on social occasions. Sounds kind of boring, doesn’t it? It is! That’s partially the point. When people first meet, they have very little to go off on judging the other.

Small talk is a social skill or a ritual that builds comfort in an interaction while minimizing tension and demonstrates an understanding of social appropriateness. Generally, you want to find excuses to agree, which builds shared information.

Social appropriateness is important because if you want to connect with someone, you need to make them feel as though they can let their guard down.

One slightly politically incorrect way to think about this is thinking about the lack of social graces of homeless people. With many homeless people, you can almost immediately spot ways in which they make others uncomfortable. I’ve seen them threaten people, ask for money, or talk about drug use. Probably the worst thing you can do in a conversation is indicate that you don’t understand the concept of conversational boundaries.

Think of conversational boundaries in how you have different types of relationships in your life. The information you can share with your family differs from that with a colleague or acquaintance. Recognizing the appropriate steps you can take to move through small talk opens the opportunities for friendship.

OK, So How Can I Start Using Small Talk?

TBD:

Include Common Small Talk Topics

Explain that you must be present and inviting

How Do I Initiate Small Talk?

Identifying Who To Talk To

How To Not Feel Overly Nervous

Correct Distance

Common Things to Know About Starting A Conversation

The Stepwise Method